Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Powerful Man, Even in Prison ...

An old Igbo farmer wrote a letter to his son in prison.

This year I won't be able to plant yam and cassava because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would help me."
Emeka wrote back,

Don't even think of digging the field, because that's where I buried the money I stole"
On reading the letter, the prison officers went and dug the whole field, the very next day, looking for the money, but nothing was found.

The following day the son wrote back,

Now you can plant your yam and cassava. This is the best I can do from here... "
Dad, replied:
"Wow! Emekus my Son, you are a powerful man indeed, even in prison, because I was surprised to see all the prison officers with hoes and shovels digging. I will write u back when I want to harvest..."

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Magic Kitchen

Have a good laugh. I did.
Ikemefuna is a house-boy who drinks his Boss' wine with impunity then adds water to cover his tracks. His boss became suspicious and decided to buy Pasties (a French wine that changes color if you add water - just like Dettol). Unaware of this, Ikemefuna drank the wine as usual and topped it up with water.

Immediately he added water, the Pasties became milky and he knew he was in trouble. When the Boss came back and saw the changed Pasties, he knew he had nailed Ikemefuna. Ikemefuna, knowing he was in trouble, decided to stay put in the kitchen when his boss came home. The Boss, having told his wife what he observed, now swung into action.

"Ikemefuna!" he called from the sitting room.

Ikemefuna answered: "Yes, Boss."

"Who drank my pasties?"

Ikemefuna: No answer.

The Boss asked again…still no answer.

So the Boss went to the kitchen to meet him there: "Are you insane or what? Why, when I call, you say "Yes, Boss", but when I ask you a question you don't answer me?"

Ikemefuna retorted, "Hmmm, Oga. When you are in the kitchen you don't hear anything at all, except your name."

"Is that so?" asked the Boss, "Okay, go to the bar stand beside Madam, while I go into the kitchen. And then, you ask me a question."

Ikemefuna accepted. When his Boss was in the kitchen he shouts, "Boss."

"Yes, Ikem" Boss answers.

Ikemefuna then asks, "Who goes into the maid's bedroom when Madam is not at home?"

No answer.

Ikemefuna shouts again: "Boss, I say who dey sneak into the maid's room when Madam no dey house?"

No answer.

The Boss runs back from the kitchen shouting, "Wonders shall never cease! Ikemefuna, it is true ooo - when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything except one's name."

The wife, now very angry, interrupts, "That's not true. It's a lie! Without a doubt."

Ikemefuna asks if she'll enter the magic kitchen to test it. She agrees.

Ikemefuna asks, “Madam, who's Junior's biological father? Me or the Boss? "

Madam rushed out of the kitchen. "This kitchen needs to be fumigated ooo! I can't hear anything at all


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Q. British General addressing Australian troops: Did you come here to die?
A. No mate, we came here yester-die.
I was sitting in a bar one time and I saw a Jewish man walk in and sit down to have a drink. After a few drinks a Chinese man came in and sat next to him. The Jewish man immediately turned and punched the other man in the face.

The Chinese man shouted, "You fool! What was that for?" The Jewish man replied, "That's for Pearl Harbor." Chinese man said, "You idiot, I am Chinese not Japanese!" Jewish man replied, "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?"

The Chinese man proceeded to punch the Jewish man in the face.

The Jewish man clutched his jaw and said angrily, "Owww, why did you do that?!" The Chinese man replied, "That's for the Titanic." Jewish man said, "But an iceberg caused it to sink, not me!"

The Chinese man smiled and said, "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference!"